An ornament I bought a few months after my miscarriage in 2010.
One of the most stressful experiences a woman and her partner can go through is a miscarriage. The grief is heart-breaking.
Three years ago, I had a miscarriage, and have experienced the effects that stress caused. While the pain has eased, there are times that are still difficult. Christmas is one of those times. When grief arises unexpectedly after so long, it can be a shock to the system. The most difficult thing about a miscarriage is the often, there is no grave, there was no body to bury. There’s nowhere to go to remember.
It’s ok to grieve. There’s no time-limit on grief. Each time grief comes up, I see it as an opportunity to learn how to deal with it, and indeed, how to let the pain go. Each time grief come up, it’s an opportunity to learn how to be a stronger person. Here are some of the techniques I’ve used over the last three years to cope when grief arises.
1. Write it down. Get all that stress you’re holding in your heart and head out on paper. As you write, you lift the weight from your shoulders. Write out all your thoughts and feelings, whether you’re angry, sad or distraught. Writing brings release. As the left sign of your brain is engaged in the logical act of writing, your right brain is free to create, feel and intuit.
2. Buy a Christmas decoration in memory of your baby. You may have lost your baby, but he or she will always be a part of your heart, of your experience. I bought a nice angel decoration and wrote the date and name on it. If you’re comfortable with the idea, take a browse around the shops for a nice decoration to celebrate Christmas in memory of your baby.
3. Care for someone else. Use the Christmas season to distract yourself from grief by helping others to have a good time. Their joy and appreciation can help you relax in return.
4. If or when you feel guilty about smiling, laughing and enjoying yourself, try to be kind to yourself. Though biological design, laughing and smiling helps to reduce stress. A good hearty belly laugh can relax muscles of the body for up to 45 minutes afterward. This helps relieve tension from the muscles, helping you stay strong a little while longer.
5. If you’re in a social situation or find a day tough going, have an escape plan in place. This may be a nap, a walk or a visit to a friend. Be gentle from yourself, and if you feel you need a time-out, take it.
I hope these tips help you through this difficult period. Love and light, Tracy xxx